How To Spend Your Money (Jewish Edition)

Given the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the timing of this article cannot be worse, similar to my article in Controversy where I shit talked Jay Versace right after his mom died. Whoopsies!

That said, heading into the New Year, I think it’s important that we reevaluate our spending habits. And who better to do it with than a certified Jew! I must confess though, I am only 50%, but I’ve milked that 50% hard throughout my life. It has been the ultimate excuse for me to be cheap whenever I can. We need to change the stigma around cheapness. As I type this, I find the urge to use euphemisms like frugality or thriftiness, but I’m going to say it loud and proud “I AM CHEAP AND PRACTICE CHEAPNESS WITH PRIDE!”

So this article can go in a lot of directions. I think the most important thing for you to ask yourself is “What’s important to me?” Me as in you. If you need some help with that answer, then continue reading for my inaugural blog on “How To Spend Your Money.”

 1. Where do you spend most of your time? 

This is a trick question, the answer is in your bed. The most important thing to spend money appropriately on is a mattress. Try out several beds at several mattress stores, and take notes at each one. Also, always threaten to leave when you are speaking to the mattress salesman. 

2. Food

I’ve witnessed many gentiles spend money at restaurants and then complain that groceries are expensive… Food is preventative medicine. I’m not telling you to skip the restaurant, but you probably should cut back. You’ll save money and eat better. Most importantly, pick your groceries carefully at the store. Read the ingredient labels. Occasionally splurge on organic, many times it’s only a dollar or so more. So many people believe in crazy conspiracy theories, but don’t look at their food ingredients that are right in front of their faces! 

3. Where do you also spend time?

I do the dishes in my house, so I bought myself a cheap, but sturdy cushioned mat in front of the sink. It was like $15 or so, and improved my life tenfold. I love music, so I got myself Sennheiser headphones (premier audio brand) that were the exact same price as Sony/Bose and have infinitely better sound quality. You need to find your dishwasher mat equivalent, something that will meet you where you are and improve your life dramatically. Only splurge on things you absolutely love/need!

4. Investments

You can contribute up to $6,000 per year into your IRA or Roth IRA in addition to your 401k at work. You’d be foolish not to, due to the tax benefit. There’s a reason they limit this to 6k. Then build a watchlist of companies you like, and follow the price fluctuations of said companies, and buy some stock at an entry point you like. Or if you’re conservative, buy an index fund. SPY, QQQ, VOO, or another equivalent. 

5. Used Macbook

Hey if you can afford a new one great, but you can find excellent used ones from Back Market, or your janky friend down the street who stole one. Macbooks are great for streaming, porn, and that’s about it, but what more do you need in life?

6. Entertainment/Travel

I hate to break it to you, but you’re going to die. Hopefully with minimal pain and/or a heavy dose of morphine. That is why it is important to budget for entertainment and travel. Just make sure you budget for it, don’t get carried away. 

7. Bulk goods

Get that Costco membership ese, it’s fucking worth it holmes. Costco’s cost savings are life changing, and if you have a family, this is essential. If you’re single or dating, I’d still highly recommend it. Aside from bulk goods, their gas is also the cheapest!

8. Spotify

If you love music, you can’t live without Spotify.  

9. Car Insurance

 Comparing insurance quotes is a bitch, but Experian (renowned credit reporting company) made it super easy with their auto insurance system that literally gets you quotes from tons of different insurance carriers with just a few clicks! 

10. Alcohol/Fun

Don’t buy a $10-15 drink at a bar, grab a fifth for $15-20, chug 1/3-1/2 of it, and you’ll be drunk the entire night and save tons of money, win-win. Also you can grab a chaser as well, because alcohol is and tastes like poison.

 

I hope this article was helpful, if you have any questions you can find me on the IG page HipPopCritic. The most important piece of advice I can give you is to live below your means. Compare your rent with your net income (how much you make after taxes). Ideally your rent should be 25% or less, or you’re living above your means. Additionally, just occasionally look at what you spend money on, and see if there’s ways you can reduce it. Then use the savings to invest, get rich, and have sex on the beach while drinking a Sex On The Beach. 

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About

The Author

I wrote this blog for a few reasons. One is because nobody in my circle of friends ever puts me on to music or things that are dope that I haven't heard about (step your game up friends!) as few people nerd out as hard as me on the dumb things I focus on. The other and main reason is because I am so tired of The NeedleDrop and Pitchfork, from the way Fantano talks about music, to the way that Pitchfork writes about it. Both cause me physical pain to read or watch, yet I for some reason occasionally check their review scores, because they are the only sites I know that do stay on top of music (to a degree), and they focus on genres that I'm not tapped into, so occasionally I find something good. Is it worth the pain? No. So let me save you the pain, by only sharing with you my favorites, and maybe you'll find a new favorite. Oh and I also love talking shit, so I'll do that too, but this blog is about showing love to great art. 

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